


Assassins at Disneyland

by tsunayoshi



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:13:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4931905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunayoshi/pseuds/tsunayoshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TYE!Varia (including Fran and his apple hat) decide to visit Tokyo Disneyland. Chaos ensues. Features froggy boogers, hook vs. sword, Mickey and Minnie Mouse headbands, and the murder of Mickey (+ possibly Squalo).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Assassins at Disneyland

“VOI! Hurry up, you brats!” Squalo yelled while waving his sword-arm around at the entrance to Tokyo Disneyland. The ornate throne chair that was situated right next to him had garnered some weird looks and curious glances, but the onlookers immediately diverted their attention when they caught sight of Xanxus lounging in it with his eyes closed. It was obvious that the scars marring his skin had scared them off.

“Coming~!” Belphegor and Fran chimed in unison as they took their precious time walking to the rest of the group, with Fran absentmindedly picking his nose.

Squalo’s eyebrow was twitching in irritation, but it was Levi who complained, “Bel, Fran! Stop making the boss wait!” Loyal as ever, the lightning guardian stood next to the stile of Xanxus’ throne chair.

“It was the fake prince’s fault,” Fran said, oblivious to the blond sharpening his knives behind his back. “He insisted that he should get a free ticket because he’s a prince.” After a short pause, he added, “Even though that’s a lie.” Three fancy knives shot through the air and plunged deep into his apple hat, but the illusionist merely pulled one out and nonchalantly wiped his froggy boogers on it. “In the end, they gave him a child ticket.”

Fran tossed the knife back over his shoulder at Belphegor, who dodged out of its way with a disgusted grimace.

Belphegor snapped, “Wash and polish those before you give those back to me, you snotty brat!”

“Don’t wanna.”

An angry Belphegor was restrained by Lussuria as they all left the ticket booth area and finally entered the Disneyland resort. Mammon, who had been floating and invisible to the eyes of everyone who was not part of the Varia, softly plopped down on top of Belphegor’s head. No one realized that meant that the greedy baby hadn’t needed to purchase a ticket. Xanxus didn’t even move an inch because Levi simply lifted the throne chair that he was resting in for him, carrying him around and treating him as royalty.

“Now, now, where to first?” Lussuria hummed as he placed a finger to his lips in thought. His other hand was settled on his jutted hip.

Squalo took the lead, because it was clear that Xanxus had no great desire to be there at Disneyland, exclaiming, “Peter Pan!” His sword-arm shot into the air as he marched away, gradually going further from the entrance.

“Squ-chan, dear~,” Lussuria cooed as he beckoned Squalo back towards them with a flapping hand. “You were going the wrong way,” he informed the silver-haired captain, a map in hand.

Flushing in what seemed to be both anger and embarrassment, Squalo barked, “You lead the way then, Lussuria!”

Lussuria was not offended at all by his rude manners, entirely too accustomed to it, and patted the other’s cheek as if he was calming a small child down. “There, there.”

When the Varia finally arrived at the Peter Pan ride, they completely disregarded the long line of people waiting for their turn and cut right past them. The elite assassins were ignorant of the sharp glares aimed their way, although most of them kept quiet since they caught sight of either: Xanxus, Squalo’s sword-hand, or Belphegor twirling around his unique knives.

Unknown to both parties, Fran had placed illusions on the Varia members’ weapons so they were visible in the eyes of any official authorities. He had left them invisible to other attendees at the amusement park, although if they were visible, it would’ve made a great intimidation tactic.

At the entrance of the ride, however, they encountered a Disneyland staff member who was dressed up as Captain Hook, with his hook for a hand and all. The ‘Captain Hook’ paled, his gaze flickering between his fake hook and the glinting sword that was a replacement for Squalo’s left hand. Without a doubt, he had a rising suspicion that the sword was genuine.

Squalo sneered at the other man’s hook. “Pathetic. A hook?” He waved around his left arm and the attached sword swiftly sliced through the air. “A sword is the best!” The swordsman bragged.

‘Captain Hook’ stammered with a trembling voice, “Is that real?” He looked as though a soft breeze would knock him over onto the ground, with how pale and shaky his figure was.

“What do you think?” Squalo had a bloodthirsty grin plastered on his face as he brandished his sword again with a fancy flick of the blade.

At this confrontation, authorities were suddenly surrounding the Varia in a swarm. Whispers rose from the crowd of people who had been waiting for their turn to board the Peter Pan ride. They were understandably confused, because Fran’s illusion held strong, and had not broken.

It didn’t take long for the authorities to confirm Squalo’s weapon as dangerous and deadly. It was no surprise that the Varia were kicked out before they could try out the Peter Pan ride. They weren’t kicked out of Disneyland itself though, because to the officials’ bewilderment, no one else but them were able to see the weapons that the assassins carried or wore on their person.

“Tch.” Squalo clicked his tongue. “They didn’t even let us go on the ride once,” he angrily muttered as the group left the area.

“Shishi,” Belphegor grinned as he rested the back of his head on his arms, “And whose fault was that?”

Fran answered the rhetorical question with a snarky attitude, “The long-haired tooth decay fungus!”

Squalo whipped his head around to stare back at Fran, with strands of his long silver hair smacking Levi right in the face. “I thought you quit your ‘tooth decay fungi’ nonsense!”

“I’m not giving up this theory until I’m proven wrong,” Fran responded in a monotone.

“Come on, everyone,” Lussuria acted like a mother who was reining in her fussy children. “Let’s take a short break and visit one of the gift shops!” He fiddled with a blood orange purse.

Mammon hummed in appreciation from atop Belphegor’s head as the Varia members followed Lussuria’s lead. “I’ll be willing to lend out my money.” He then added as his lips curled into a small smile, “Providing that it will be paid back with interest.”

Belphegor’s grin widened with his amusement. “Greedy as always, aren’t you, Mammon?”

Mammon sighed, “Money is the most important thing in the world, Bel.” He patted the top of Belphegor’s head in a patronizing manner.

“Wow,” Fran said although his voice expressed no amazement, “You’re being treated like a child by a floating baby.”

Belphegor reacted with no words this time; he only gritted his teeth and swung his arm, sending more knives into Fran’s apple hat. The rounded ends of the knives now formed the Japanese kanji for “die”, a sight that pleased the young prince.

“Bel, stop playing around, we’re here!” Lussuria announced. Levi gently placed the throne chair that Xanxus was currently napping in down onto the ground, right at the open entrance to the gift shop. It was practically a warning sign for no one else to come inside and leave the Varia to their own business.

They all spread out, searching for different things that were to their liking. Levi didn’t budge an inch, choosing to stay by his boss’ side. Belphegor was checking out the crowns (he was offended by how most of them were made from cheap plastic), and Mammon simply tagged along with him. Fran’s destination was where they displayed miniature princess dresses, which he, one by one, took and held them up in the air. He held each one in front of him so that they were covering Belphegor’s figure, who was standing just a few aisles away and oblivious to it all. Mammon saw this, however, and floated over to Fran’s side to take some pictures for future profit.

Squalo felt a sense of foreboding creep up on him as he watched Lussuria went straight towards the accessories–the headband section in particular. With a mirthful giggle, Lussuria plucked a Mickey Mouse headband right off of the metal hook. He also took a Minnie Mouse headband, which he held in his other hand. When he realized that Squalo was looking at him, he only winked and tiptoed his way towards the unsuspecting Xanxus. Ignoring the silent but frantic protests from Levi, Lussuria gently placed the Mickey headband over Xanxus’ head with great caution so that the boss would not wake up. Levi appeared as if he was incredibly constipated, as he was very conflicted about how he should feel about the sight of Xanxus with Mickey Mouse ears.

Lussuria then slowly turned around to face Squalo, light gleaming off from his glasses, with the remaining Minnie headband in his hand. Squalo, now understanding that foreboding feeling from just seconds ago, widened his eyes, indignant.

Without any regard to how Xanxus would be woken by loud noise, Squalo shouted, “VOI!!! GET THAT THING AWAY!” He angrily swung his sword around while Belphegor and Fran came to join the rest of the group from the background. Fran conjured up some illusions of popcorn and theatre seats for the two of them as they watched.

“Aw, but Squ-chan, please~?” Lussuria begged, leaning forward with a wiggling bottom.

“That thing’s not touching a hair on my head!” Squalo roared. “And stop that begging! It’s gross!”

A shattering sound averted everyone’s attention to the awakened Xanxus, who held a broken wine glass (no one questioned where it had even came from).

“Shut up, scum.”

The silence was deafening, so much that no one had even commented on the Mickey mouse ears that looked like they were attached to Xanxus’ head. He was still a frightening sight.

As expected, Squalo interrupted the silence. “Voi! I’m not wearing that trash!” He froze at the narrowed glare of garnet eyes that was sent his way.

“Put the trash on and deal with it, scum,” Xanxus commanded, unaware that he was also wearing such trash, to the amusement of Belphegor and Fran in particular.

“You heard the boss, Squ-chan~!” Lussuria smiled as he forcefully jammed the Minnie Mouse headband onto Squalo’s head.

With that, Belphegor and Fran burst into applause, and the illusionary popcorn and seats faded away into indigo mist. Off to their side, Mammon took continuous shots of both Xanxus and Squalo with his camera, filling his pockets with Varia quality blackmail material. He pretended as if he couldn’t hear Levi’s requests for the pictures of Xanxus.

“Now to try the other rides!” Lussuria cheered.

Belphegor and Fran lifted their arms in unison with false enthusiasm, completely expressionless. “Yay.”

“Try the other rides,” Lussuria had said. Five rides went by with the Varia being kicked out of each one was what had happened. The “Mad Tea Party” spinning ride was arguably the most disastrous of the five.

Wheels were broken from being spun too much, and somehow teacups were sent crashing into each other (the suspicion laid on Mammon who might have cast an illusion to make it seem as if there were more teacups than there were in reality). One even ended up being sliced in half by Squalo’s sword. Fran seemed to enjoy hopping from one Varia member’s teacup to another’s like a frog. He avoided the teacups that were illusions, much to Belphegor’s disappointment who was hoping to see him fall crashing to the floor. A puking incident from Levi was inevitable too. It was a lucky thing for Disneyland that the bumper cars were not available for the Varia to ride.

There was one ride that Belphegor was unable to try, because he did not meet the appropriate height necessary to go on the ride. Fran had laughed at him on the side as he used an illusion to match the correct height, joking about Belphegor being a child (he did have a child ticket after all) and leaving a seething prince behind. Soon, however, it was Belphegor laughing as the group got kicked out before they even reached the middle of the ride’s duration.

Eventually, when they were kicked off of their fifth ride, Xanxus was evidently sick and irritated of it all. He demanded for them to stop by a steakhouse, and Levi who was exhausted from lugging around the throne chair for Xanxus was instantly relieved at the thought of resting for food.

A few minutes later, the Varia was seated at a table in a steakhouse. The most amusing thing at the moment was probably how Xanxus still had no knowledge of the Mickey Mouse headband he was wearing. Thanks to Lussuria’s constant nagging, Squalo still wore his Minnie one as well. In other words, the two had been wearing their headbands for the past several hours, something that everyone else in the Varia were immensely pleased by.

After a short wait, the dishes they had all ordered were served to their table.

Lussuria hid his giggles behind a hand as he glanced at Xanxus, who was intensely staring down at his steak that had been cut into the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head. His eyebrow was twitching, a telltale sign of his annoyance, and his grip on his fork and knife tightened.

Across the table, Belphegor and Fran had ignited a food fight with their own dishes. Knives that were definitely not part of the set that the steakhouse distributed were flying around, and plates were used as shields. Squalo attempted to intervene and break up the fight, but ended up causing even more chaos as he wielded his blade. Mammon was filming the entire thing.

With steak on the plate before him, Xanxus paid no attention to the ruckus going on right in front of him. He only stabbed his fork into his steak (right where Mickey’s eye would have been, if his face had been drawn onto the meat) and sawed Mickey’s ear off with his knife. Xanxus tore and ripped through the steak, uncaring of Lussuria’s aghast reaction to the murder of the Mickey Mouse steak. For reasons not explainable, Levi was treating this spectacle with respect, staring at his boss in admiration.

“Boss!” Lussuria whined in protest.

Xanxus responded with a snort and barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “It’s steak. It’s not like it was made from mice.”

Automatically, at the idea of eating mice, Lussuria scrunched up his nose and his face twisted into a grimace. “I think I lost my appetite,” he whimpered.

“Too bad.” With those curt words, Xanxus snatched the plate of steak that rested before Lussuria and chomped that Mickey Mouse steak into shreds and pieces too.

Soon enough, and again, this was not a surprise at all– the Varia were kicked out of the steakhouse too. Instead of staying behind to clean up the mess that Belphegor and Fran’s food fight had caused, Xanxus had Squalo tossing wads of bills at the staff to compensate for the damage costs. Mammon looked absolutely horrified at the careless treatment of their funds and made sure to gather any excess money.

“Are we going home now?”

This simple question from Fran drained the last drops of energy that Lussuria had. He recovered quickly though, fitting of the Sun Guardian that he was, just by staring at Xanxus and Squalo with Mickey and Minnie Mouse ears. It was just as powerful as healing therapy, if not more so.

“It’s time to go home, everyone~!”

When the Varia returned to their hotel in Japan, chaos erupted yet again. Squalo had ripped the Minnie Mouse headband off of his head once they left Tokyo Disneyland, but on the other hand, Xanxus had no idea of the Mickey Mouse headband resting on his head. No one had dared to tell him.

When Xanxus found out on his own…

“OI, PEACOCK TRASH! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!”

“It was Squ-chan’s idea, bossu~!”

“WHAT?!”

“Ushishishi, that’s right! Squalo did it.”

“Yep.”

“Boss, I’ll give you the proof pictures for a price.”

“…I th-thought it looked nice, boss…”

“VOIII!!!”


End file.
